Twenty-one days without complaining?

Who wants to listen to a complainer? Nobody.

Rev. Will Bowen in Kansas City, Missouri, and his congregation were reading a book that recommended trying to go twenty-one days without complaining – the length of time it is believed needed to change a habit. They were to focus on what they do want in their lives, rather than what they don’t want.

Bowen mentions Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. who didn’t just complain about racial inequality, he had a dream, and he did something about it.

Rev. Bowen offered his congregation the challenge of achieving 21 consecutive days without complaining, gossiping, or criticizing; even sarcasm was out.

The hook was a little purple wristband. You put the band on your wrist and the first time you complained, you started over and moved the band to your other wrist. And so on. People loved the idea and many signed up.

The pastor found that breaking the complaint habit was harder than he had expected. After three and a half months, he succeeded in keeping the purple band on one wrist for twenty-one days.

Some in the congregation were able to make their three consecutive weeks within a few months. Others took a year or longer.

Word of the challenge spread. Individuals and churches in other states began contacting this church asking for wristbands. Now they have become a world-wide supplier of wristbands for people who are recognizing that complaining neither makes them happy nor solves their problems.

One teacher took the challenge to her classroom. A little girl said it was really hard because she had to keep starting over. A little boy said, it was really hard for him, because he "has two sisters, and they are really mean."

This is a clever concept. It is certainly better for the whole world when people quit complaining and become the change they want to see.

Simple blessings

Butterfly on a thistle

Someone sent this in an email, and I thought you might enjoy its worthwhile message.

A man deeply discouraged whispered,

“God speak to me.”
And a meadowlark sang.
But the man did not hear.

So the man shouted, “God, speak to me!”
And thunder rolled across the sky.
But the man did not hear.

He looked gloomily around and said, “God, show me a sign.”

Flowers bloomed all around him.
But the man did not see.

The man shouted, “God, show me a miracle.”

A grandchild was born.
But the man did not notice.

So the man cried in despair, “God, just touch me!”

Whereupon God reached out and touched the man.
But the man brushed the butterfly away.

The moral?
Don’t miss God’s blessings just because

they are not packaged as you expect them to be.

A finishing touch to our lives

The movie, “An unfinished life” reveals the unavoidability of forgiveness. There’s a sub-theme with a bear in it. The first time I saw this tough but sweet film, I couldn’t figure out how the bear related. The second time it was obvious.

Einer, a Wyoming rancher whose son had been killed a decade before in an auto accident, needs to forgive his daughter-in-law Jean – the driver during the fatal accident. Mitch, his best friend, has been badly mauled by a bear and requires some daily care.

Meanwhile Jean has been living with the terrible guilt of believing she was responsible for her husband's death. Suddenly she shows up, desperate after fleeing an abusive boyfriend.

Although he allows Jean to stay, Einer won’t or can’t forgive. And the bear becomes a metaphor for their lives – how they are all stuck regretting the past, unable to advance. As the story unfolds, Mitch forgives the bear and cajoles Einer into releasing him at night from a small tourist zoo.

The granddaughter Einer didn’t know he had, now nearly ten, becomes the catalyst that softens his heart, enables him to come to terms with life, and to ultimately forgive.

As the bear, set free by Mitch’s generous spirit, walks off into the wilderness, so forgiveness enables Einer and his small family to reverse the downward spirals of their lives and move forward together.

What can be added to this tender lesson?

If we are to live our lives to the full, we must forgive, plain and simple. That doesn’t mean we subject ourselves to further abuse. It means we drop the burden of hate, anger, or resentment from our own shoulders and rediscover the joy of sprinting ahead.

Jesus, who understood a lot about life and human nature had some choice words about forgiveness.

In today's language, he might have said, “If you want God to forgive your dumb and bad mistakes, then you need to be generous about forgiving others their dumb and bad mistakes as well.”

How long? However long we keep doing things we wish we hadn’t. That's a kind of love that adds a dimension of grace to our lives.

If you are interested, the official trailer follows:

What are you watching? And does it matter?

True. Another video. And, alas, it may not be the last.

The video below hopes to alert drivers to be aware of bicyclers so that they will drive carefully and share the road. The ad plays upon the tendency of the human mind to be easily distracted to the point of not seeing people or activities right in front of us.

How true it is that we walk (literally and metaphorically) in the direction we are looking.

As an example, my husband with a grin tells the story of his sister's first time driving a motor scooter. When she turned her head to the right to look over her shoulder, the motor scooter veered sharply to the right, nearly taking her off the road. A moment's distraction unexpectedly and drastically changed her direction.

Life seems sometimes like a three-ring circus. As we watch the clowns in one ring, we miss the acrobats in the second ring, and the horses in the third. It seems like we are always going to be missing something. Yet we can take control of our worldview.

It's too easy to let worry, injustice, self-pity, or self-importance preoccupy our thoughts. But this inward-turning is a miniscule part of what's going on in the world at any given moment.

There is wondrous goodness and beauty, kindness and caring filling each day. While some distractions, like the one in the video, are harmless, others can totally grab our attention with startling consequences.

Whatever we focus on becomes a major part of our experience.

So it makes sense to pay attention to the do-gooders -- and that term is used in the best possible sense -- of this world. People who sarcifice and ask nothing in return; people such as deeply devoted religious figures both past and present, as well as unsung heroes: helpers, care givers, rescuers, etc.

Making the effort to discover active goodness and to appreciate the unselfishness of others lifts our thought above the mesmeric replay of tragedy, and we help the world move forward.

Truth - right side up

In this interesting YouTube are two perspectives of the Almighty. The first is a totally materialistic and pessimistic view. If accepted, we might all just give up. If God doesn't think we can make the world a better place, why even try?

The second, however, is clearly New Testament, the Good News of Jesus' life, works, and teachings. He showed men and women their spiritual nature, and God's nature as caring and nurturing.

In fact, speaking of the contrast between the material and spiritual views of life, American religious leader Mary Baker Eddy wrote: "Delusion, sin, disease, and death arise from the false testimony of material sense, which, from a supposed standpoint outside the focal distance of infinite Spirit, presents an inverted image of Mind and substance with everything turned upside down."

It's worth sticking with the video to the clever conclusion. See where your God fits in.

(Just double-click on the arrow below)

The cheetah, the hyena, and the gazelle

In the video below. A hungry cheetah has downed a gazelle to feed her cubs. Before she can complete the kill, a hyena bully, intent on stealing dinner, chases the cheetah away.

What happens next is a happy surprise.




So, if I may draw some obvious conclusions, the gazelle's startling escape reminds us that no matter how bad things look, there is hope.

I mean how much worse could things be? "Gazelle" is the gourmet featured main course of the day. In this case hyena greed and arrogance provide the opportunity for a second wind and escape.

For many people prayer provides a good state of mind for finding the way forward. It's a prayer that listens to (whatever name you call) God -- Allah, the Higher Power, or the Mind of the universe -- for some practical answers.

New self-help book!

Thought you might enjoy this commentary on the book of Proverbs in the Old Testament of the Bible.

New Self-help book!

Opens with solid reasons for reading the whole book.
Has been in print for some time.
Included in the world’s best-selling book.
Human nature hasn’t changed in all recorded history – this book on human nature has stood the test of time.
Quick read - thirty pages, with about a chapter per page.
A short book with short chapters can’t be that intimidating.
Found in every hotel room where you’ll ever stay.
Some places will give it to you just for asking.
It’s pithy sayings tell how to live intelligently and wisely.
They highlight the benefits of being honest, just, and fair.
When applied, these techniques make the young resourceful, the aged wiser.

A few samples:

· A cheerful disposition is good for your health;
Gloom and doom leave you bone-tired.

· The start of a quarrel is like a leak in a dam,
so stop it before it bursts.

· A good leader motivates,
Doesn’t mislead doesn’t exploit.

· First pride, then the crash –
The bigger the ego, the harder the fall.

A must-read!

God is in the details

Some details of spring

“God is in the details.” This saying is attributed to German-born architect Ludwig Mies van der Rohe (1886-1969).

It isn’t hard to see how an architect, so attentive to visual details, might find God’s hand behind the harmony, beauty, and function in a bridge , a building, or house design.

I find God in the details of my day too. Pretty much in proportion as I let God be central to my activities, thoughts, and conversations, all sorts of interesting things happen.

Among my acquaintances, for example, I’m making the opportunity to look deeper into the spiritual qualities they express, and finding beyond the surface good and dear people, people I really like.

One new friend is a fierce animal lover, a staunch NRA advocate, and is taking a course in belly-dancing at a local university. She recently tenderly cared for an elderly uncle who had no other family, until he passed on.

Another is active in her church, generously sews many costumes for her daughter’s high school musical productions, hauls the girls to their swim meets, and finds time for tennis.

In spite of their different life styles, each of these ladies is pursuing her own spiritual journey. God is working in the details of their lives because somehow, in some way, each has invited Him/Her into their hearts.

People on spiritual journeys tune in to the substance of things that cannot be seen, eternal truths they innately believe. They have not given up on the basic goodness of mankind and the basic premise of a Higher Power.

People on spiritual journeys tend to discover God’s goodness or beauty or strength in the details of their lives.

Photo: thanks to Gordon Imrie

Lack of malice

Gilbert & Sullivan

My niece and I recently enjoyed an evening of Gilbert & Sullivan’s "HMS Pinafore" at the local junior college.

As is often the case, I learn a great deal by reading the program notes. Consider this: “One reason for the continued popularity of H.M.S. Pinafore, and the rest of the Gilbert & Sullivan canon, is the lack of malice in its otherwise biting satire.”

What a concept – lack of malice! No hate or spite or meanness, even though "H.M.S. Pinafore" nips sharply at class differences in 1800's British society.

The tendency towards classes in all cultures perpetuates a constant struggle against inequality.

Paul the apostle addressed this question specifically, oh roughly 2000 years ago, in two of his letters. No more divisions, he said. No more hierarchies. He saw all men, women, races, nations, as one in Christ.

And if Christ came as a light into the world, as Jesus himself said, then that light is for all nations, to show everyone the nature of God as caring, present, wise, active in our lives for good.

To show everyone the possibilities of a world without malice.

Because the media seems to feed on negatives such as malice, it's useful to counter this poor nourishment with a healthier menu -- by becoming aware of, recognizing and identifying, the kindness and caring of family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, and even strangers.

To the degree that we do this, we are participating in a world with less malice.

Mary's dream

When Mary was growing up, wonderful woods grew near her house, filled with trees, creeks, and paths. In those days, children could play safely in the clear water creeks. Her father showed her one creek she was not to go near because it was too dangerous.

Years later, married and with children of her own, Mary dreamed about walking in those woods. She heard screams from the creek that was dangerous. In her dream Mary ran to investigate, and found a couple of people sinking into quicksand in this creek.

Desperate to help them, Mary prayed. Yes, even in her dream. It occurred to her to push on and bend a nearby tree so that the people in the quicksand could grab hold of it, and be pulled out. She felt God gave her the strength to push the tree over far enough.

Before the people could grab hold of the tree, however, Mary’s husband shook her because she had been calling out, and he realized she was having a troubling dream. However, Mary pulled a pillow over her eyes and tried to get back into the dream so she could complete the rescue.

Her husband helped her wake up completely. She was covered with perspiration, and her heart was pounding, so intense and real had the dream been. Once she was awake, of course, Mary realized she didn’t have to go back to rescue anyone. Nobody was caught in quicksand. None of the drama had been true.

There are neat lessons to be gleaned from this. Crises can feel very real, very frightening. Yet if we can pray in a dream (and we can –Mary did, and I have too), we can also pray for guidance during a real-life crisis.

Another lesson is that none of this rescue activity was physical – it was entirely mental. Yet Mary was as hot and out of breath, as though she had really been running through the woods and pushing trees over. What does this say about the effect of our thoughts on our bodies?

Another lesson is Mary’s desire to help. She was eager to find a safe way to help those in need. Yet even as she awoke and understood intellectually that the crisis was not real, her emotions tried to pull her back into the dream, to make her personally responsible for the rescue.

Prayer that turns to an ever-present caring and wise God is always a good way to find out how to help, especially when we are wide awake and facing an urgent need.

And we can expect to find solutions. Sometimes that solution might be someone else who is better able to help. Our job is to be willing to turn to that Source bigger than ourselves, and then do our highest sense of right.

And where is YOUR head?

A coach explains his strategy

Saturday was the last second-grade basketball game of the season. Two little guys on our park district team stood out as fairly aggressive players. Their focus was surprising for 7 or 8-year olds. The mom of one of these kids was sitting next to me.

When I complimented her on Johnny’s ability to see where the ball was headed and get there first, she replied frankly, “Yes, he really has his head in the game.”

That was a new phrase for me, someone who “really has his head in the game.” Some of the tykes are less into that focus, and their efforts are more timid and uncertain.

Another life lesson? What might be some applications? OK, for one thing I’m learning to appreciate drivers who are not holding cell phones to their ears, who perhaps really do have “their heads into their driving.”

I’m learning to appreciate the cashiers at Trader Joe's who “have their heads’ into customer service, and do their part to make paying for the groceries a pleasant experience.

Mary Baker Eddy, who wrote the manual on spiritual healing, concluded, “The devotion of thought to an honest achievement makes the achievement possible.” Eddy was a writer, publisher, editor, preacher, healer, teacher, manager, employer. She knew whereof she spoke.

We see the results of dedication not only in sports, but in civil rights, in writers, dancers, musicians, in invention and in healing.

We can devote our best to whatever we are doing, keeping our heads in the task, or the game, of whatever we have been given to do.

Dribble, pass, or shoot!

He tries for the basket

A diminutive second-grader in a green park district T-shirt, holds the basketball tightly for what seems an eternity, anxiously scanning the court for any green-shirted teammate available to take the ball.

“Dribble, pass, or shoot!” his coach calls.

Although park district basketball rules for second graders are very tolerant of the fact that children are just learning to handle the ball, the coaches also remind the youngsters of what they should be doing.

Dribble means to move while bouncing the ball. Pass means to get the ball to a teammate who might be in a better position to try for a basket. Shoot means to expose yourself to instant success or failure by aiming for that basket that seems so high.

In their own way, these action verbs describe life. Life requires us to be participants. Sometimes we dribble, looking for an opening, looking for what we are supposed to do next.

Other times we see clearly it is time to pass the ball to someone else, to give them an opportunity to go forward with something of value from us.

And still other times we realize we must leap up with hope, and maybe some skill and experience, and shoot for the basket.

If you are on a team, that team will support your efforts. Yet there are times when we feel like we’re on our own, and clinging to the ball hasn't been productive; when we know we need to dribble, pass, or shoot.

That’s when feeling cared for and loved by a tender Father-Mother God means a lot to me. The great Coach is with us no matter what. He/She provides the players we need in this Life-game. In turn, our job is to value and support our teammates.

Although these teammates may change with the seasons, knowing we can lean on an unchanging infinite Love, a strength and wisdom beyond ourselves, inspires us to go forward in unfamiliar paths, to be willing to step outside our comfort zones, to persevere and find solutions where none are obvious, to go forward in the expectancy of doing our best.

Go Team!