How children learn

Fun winter memories

Children learn what they live
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.

If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.

If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.

If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.

If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.

If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.

If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.

If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.

If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.

If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.

If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.

If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.

If children live with fairness, they learn justice.

If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.

If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.

From the mouth of a child

The Lord’s Prayer like you haven’t heard it in a long, long, time – unless you are the parents of a three-year old.

Just click here.

There is a God in the Post Office

This email has been making the rounds. And it is about unexpected kindness -- hearts speaking to hearts. This particular version arrived today, and the story follows:

This is one of the kindest things I've ever experienced. I have no way to know who sent it, but there is a beautiful soul working in the dead letter office of the US postal service.

Our 14 year old dog, Abbey, died last month. The day after she died, my 4 year old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey. She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her. I told her that I thought we could so she dictated these words:

Dear God,

Will you please take care of my dog? She died yesterday and is with you in heaven. I miss her very much. I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got sick.

I hope you will play with her. She likes to play with balls and to swim. I am sending a picture of her so when you see her you will know that she is my dog. I really miss her.

Love, Meredith.

We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey and Meredith and addressed it to God/Heaven. We put our return address on it. Then Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to heaven. That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office. A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet. I told her that I thought He had.

Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch addressed, "To Meredith ," in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith opened it. Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, "When a Pet Dies." Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened envelope. On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey & Meredith and this note:


Dear Meredith,

Abbey arrived safely in heaven.

Having the picture was a big help. I recognized Abbey right away.

Abbey isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in your heart. Abbey loved being your dog. Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets to keep your picture in, so I am sending it back to you in this little book for you to keep and have something to remember Abbey by.

Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you write it and sending it to me. What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you.

I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much.

By the way, I'm easy to find, I am wherever there is love.

Love,
God

The Nativity Story

Grandson Alan and I watched The Nativity Story together the other evening.

Confession: I popped the DVD into the TV expecting the music to draw him into the living room. Previews for coming features were kid-oriented, and Alan snuggled in comfortably next to me on the couch.

Suddenly Herod’s soldiers were slaughtering boy infants in Bethlehem. “What are they doing, Gramma? Why?”

Flashback to Nazareth where a sixteen year-old Mary and her friends are sowing grain, and flirting with boys working nearby.

Alan has lots of questions, and we use the “pause” button often to make connections as scenes jumped from the poor village of Nazareth to Jerusalem where a paranoid Herod worries about an a predicted Messiah competing for local kingship, then to distant lands where three wise men discuss a coming confluence of planets creating great brightness in the night sky.

The New Testament accounts indicate that the Wise men probably arrived in Bethlehem a couple of years after Jesus’ birth, by which time Mary and Joseph were living in a house. The film chose to perpetuate the traditional Christmas card scene of the shepherds and the wise men all gathered round the little family in the stable.

It was disappointing that this otherwise excellent film did not take advantage of the opportunity to correct the timing misperception.

Meanwhile, The Nativity Story wonderfully fills in the gaps of the Gospel accounts. How Mary may have barely known Joseph, how ruthlessly the Romans oppressed the poor villagers, how nervous Joseph is about marrying. How arranged marriages for young girls, even among loving families, may often have been an economic necessity because of too many mouths to feed.

It explains wonderfully the status of the young couple – each living with their parents for another year, yet married in every way except that which leads to family.

The film clarifies the beautiful spiritual bond between aunt Elizabeth and young Mary –both blessed with overlapping pregnancies announced by angels. Mary’s own parents were not so understanding. When questioning Mary about her pregnancy and who the father might be, to Mary’s reply her mother repeats in disbelief, “An angel told you this?”

We empathize with Joseph's struggle -- between feeling betrayed by his fiancé and wanting to protect her from stoning by the villagers.

We really begin to understand how difficult it must have been for Mary to be engaged and pregnant. And that it was not just noble, it took great courage for Joseph to say the unborn child was his. Mary warns, “People will not look at you the same any more,” meaning they would not respect him.

We see how the young couple may have dealt with angel messengers, and critical neighbors. The harsh landscape between Nazareth and Bethlehem glares at us. A reluctant Mary gradually warms to recognize and appreciate Joseph’s goodness and unselfishness.

We feel Joseph’s desperation when looking for a safe place for Mary to deliver. In short, we care about these people. We care about their hopes, their concerns, their struggles.

There have been a lot of movies portraying Jesus. Here’s one that, without religious overtones, introduces us to his parents.

Well done!

Another blog on The Nativity Story

Finding a way past anger

“Mom, can you take the boys tomorrow evening? We’re having a small dinner party, and we’d like it to be just adults.”

That’s how I came to pick up the grandsons Saturday afternoon. My preference is one boy at a time, but I am cautiously flexible for special occasions.

However, the eight-year old was not happy. His dad had just instructed that they were not to watch The Three Stooges at Grandma’s house, because they escalate into silliness and wildness afterwards. I appreciated my son-in-law’s preventive foresight.

We set off, Alan in a blue funk. “We have never missed The Three Stooges!” he explained, arms folded across his chest. His contribution to conversation, usually bright and imaginative, was totally negative.

At that point I rejected the scenario that the rest of the evening was going to be overshadowed by this heavy and self-hypnotizing reaction to disappointment.

So I prayed for harmony. My prayer went something like this. Dear Father (one way I like to identify God), thank you for being the only Mind here. You are in charge, you are in control, and your ever-present goodness alone sets the tone.

I wasn’t sure how God was going to fix this, but I was sure He/She would.

Finally younger Lee had had enough of the negativity and said bluntly, “Alan, you just want us to feel bad.”

“No I don’t.”

“Yes you do.”

“No I DON'T!”

“Yes YOU DO!”

Here I interrupted. “May I say something? I think what Lee is trying to say is that when one person chooses to be grumpy, it makes it hard for the others to stay happy.”

Silence in the back seat. Then from Alan, “Well why didn’t you tell me?”

From that point, Alan made an honest effort to change his attitude and to be pleasant. By the time we reached home, he was his normal cheery self. The boys played with Legos, and enjoyed each other all evening. Minor differences were quickly worked out on their own.

I am learning to really appreciate the power of prayer and its role in grand-parenting!

Never trapped

"The Gingerbread Man" story comes to mind. The rascally cookie dashes away from those who care most about him, sprints from others who clearly want to eat him, and ultimately trusts a con artist who cunningly manipulates the tasty treat to achieve his own goal. The carefree little cookie ends up in the tummy of that foxy fox.

The Gingerbread Man is a secular version of the Prodigal Son - except in Jesus’ account, the son comes to his senses before it’s too late, repents of his foolishness, and is welcomed safely home by a caring Father. A happy resolution is so Jesus.

A friend once told me, “Christ always finds a way to go forward.” Christ is never stuck in a corner.

Sometimes we are faced with two bad choices. Sometimes we have to pick the least bad of the two, and keep moving in the direction of least bad choice. It can feel cumbersome, but if we’re faithful in making the best choice available, progress will be steady.

More often, if we can find it, there is a third less obvious, but clearly inspired, choice that comes from sitting down with an open heart and asking that Higher Power variously called God, Truth, Father, Mother, Allah, “What shall I do? What do you want me to do? How can I be of service today?”

When asked from a quiet and honest heart, answers come. This is my sense of Christ speaking to us when we are ready to hear. Sometimes we may not like what we hear because it goes contrary to our “wants.”

I’ve gone kicking and screaming in the “right” direction many a time. When we are willing to follow that answer (with or without the kicking and screaming) the very action of courageous choice lifts the burden of indecision and reaches out to bless others.

Those obstructing mental walls somehow dissolve as we forge out of self-centeredness into participating in God’s good plan.

Even if ignorance, carelessness, or self-will has launched us pell-mell into trouble, Christ always has an alternative.

"Excellent" parenting

It was a birthday party. Shouts and laughter emerged from one of those inflatable things with a net-enclosed bouncing room. Then I heard a grandson voice say, “Now you’re asking for it!” A moment later another little boy emerged crying loudly.

I’m not sure what had transpired, but both moms reprimanded their kids. They sincerely apologized to each other and spoke gently, not placing blame. I was grateful to see common sense and good parenting reign. Each mom admonished her boy to treat others the way he wants to be treated. Neither was trying to be the perfect mom with perfect children. They were helping their young men learn and grow socially.

“I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence I can reach for. Perfection is God’s business.” Michael J. Fox

There is a difference. And people mess themselves up if they confuse the two. Mr Fox is quite right.

Trying to be humanly perfect is an exercise in frustration, because “humanly perfect” is an oxymoron. Nothing human is or can be perfect. Even the best of what we do humanly, changes.

So what did Jesus mean when he said, “You are to be perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.”? The Greek word, teleios, translated in King James as “perfect” actually has the meaning of complete, in the sense of growing in mental and moral character.

This makes perfect (pun intended) sense, coming as it does near the middle of the Sermon on the Mount – that blueprint for all relationships. This nutshell of Jesus’ life-message offers specific behaviors in tough situations for people to get along with one another, and to feel good about their own progress. It’s about improving what’s going on in our thinking. What we think comes out in what we say and do. The Sermon offers productive alternatives to arguing and fighting, deceit and selfishness.

Jesus required looking within and improving our thoughts and deeds so we can grow mentally and spiritually into something resembling how our Maker knows us and intends us to be.

Both moms were gracious and generous, following the altercation.

Excellence IS something we can reach for.

Here are two useful takes on the “Be perfect” statement.

“There must be no limit to your goodness,

as your heavenly Father’s goodness knows no bounds.”

New English Bible

“Live generously and graciously towards others,

the way God lives toward you.”

The Message

Tribute to a happy man

Dan with great granddaughter

My father-in-law passed peacefully away this morning. He’d lived a good and long life, survived two wonderful wives, is cherished by a third. He has three wonderful grown kids, grand-children and great grand-children. Dan was just going, as he phrased it a couple of days ago, “to walk into the next room.”

I’ve known Dan for forty years. He is one of the most consistently happy people I’ve ever met. The world doesn’t know what to do with happy people. It works hard to make them sad. He never took the bait. He kept his joy. Sometimes it took a bit of wrestling on his part to stay aligned with the good he believed was supreme in life, but he always rose to the occasion, and quickly.

He enjoyed a good joke. He was a careful and interesting story-teller. With a twinkle in his eye, he would relate an appropriate pun for the occasion, and chuckle at the groans from his audience. He loved people. He devoted the last 40 years to helping others find health, balance, stability, joy, peace – helping them feel the power of God’s love in their lives.

And, this is the big one – I never heard him say an unkind word about anyone. He lived Christ Jesus’ life message: to love one another.

He made the best of what life gave him, and he always felt life was giving him abundant good. He cherished family and friends alike.

With his perpetual joy, undaunted trust in the triumph of good, and genuine love for all God’s children, he set a great example of what it means to unconditionally love one’s fellow man.

He will definitely “Be in that number, when the saints go marching in”!

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Also see "Tribute" post in Kim's blog.