"Listening, not imitation, may be the greatest form of flattery." Joyce Brothers
To understand people (rather than to flatter them), it's important to listen to them. That's how we learn.
In this world where we feel pressed to multi-task, the fact remains that you cannot really listen to a person and do something else. Everyone needs to feel valued enough to be heard. Children need the full attention of their parents when they are telling them something.
It may take some self-discipline to break the multi-tasking habit. It's worth the effort to value people over the tasks at hand. Just as we want to be listened to, we can find the courtesy to listen to others.
It is a kindness to give our full attention to the people who have something to tell us. It says, "I value you. I respect you. I want to hear your opinion." It isn't necessary to agree with those opinions; it is important to be willing to hear them.
A Turkish proverb reminds us that, "If speaking is silver, then listening is gold."
Showing posts with label listening. Show all posts
Showing posts with label listening. Show all posts
Nov 6, 2009
Oct 17, 2008
Why we didn't go to the Arboretum
We went to the library insteadTuesday the grandsons had no school. The parents both had to work, and my partner in grandmothering had just taken her turn, so it was mine.
Although I was available, and happy to help, I harbored some anxiety, because when the two are together they tend to bounce off each other – exponentially. My comfort zone is one boy at a time, and that has worked very well.
At the same time I prayed that God would show us our useful and constructive relationship together. This down-time from school didn’t need to be stressful for anyone. God's goodness fills each day, and it is our nature to participate in that goodness.
It promised to be one of the last gorgeous October days, and a great one for going to The Morton Arboretum – that wonderful living “tree and shrub museum” west of Chicago. I grab any excuse to go there, and the boys enjoy walking or running the trails.
So Tuesday came, and I arrived at their house. Their dad had already gone, and as their mom was leaving, she mentioned an Arboretum trip to them as a possibility.
The boys fixed breakfast – one preparing pancakes, the other scrambling eggs. This comes of having a dad who enjoys gourmet cooking as a hobby!
They had just created an original Lego village, and spent most of the morning engaged in Lego guy adventures.
Here is where I was pleased to see some progress, some good growing, on my part. An intuition said, "Let the boys chill." Intuitions, for me, are angel messages -- a little voice that gives us good advice. One way to tell that it's good advice is that it is usually unselfish and often blesses many rather than just one.
I'm learning that my day goes much smoother when I pay attention to these intuitions. So for once I didn’t push. The boys didn’t mention the Arboretum, so neither did I.
After lunch it seemed important to get out into the sunshine, so we walked to the library a mile away. We poked around the bookshelves and read awhile until the younger boy was ready to check out a football novel.
The lure of sunshine and the blue sky kept the boys outside the rest of the afternoon.
This day was different in a really good way. It was outstandingly simple and happy. Almost effortless. What a lesson for me in discovering the rewards of listening!
After lunch it seemed important to get out into the sunshine, so we walked to the library a mile away. We poked around the bookshelves and read awhile until the younger boy was ready to check out a football novel.
The lure of sunshine and the blue sky kept the boys outside the rest of the afternoon.
This day was different in a really good way. It was outstandingly simple and happy. Almost effortless. What a lesson for me in discovering the rewards of listening!
Nineteenth Century religious leader,Mary Baker Eddy, defined angels as
"God's thoughts passing to man;
spiritual intuitions, pure and perfect;
the inspiration of goodness, purity and immortality,
counteracting all evil, sensuality, and mortality."
Oct 7, 2008
The letter
I was part of a board meeting last night where a letter was read. The guy listed several things that were bothering him. What I heard was, “Here is what I am unhappy about: 1,2,3,4.” The letter sounded critical and negative, and I said so.
To my amazement, the other board members (all six of them) didn’t hear it that way. Their generous hearts heard, “Here are some issues that are concerning me: 1,2,3,4.” And they discussed those issues compassionately.
We all heard the same words. I was tremendously embarrassed to have been the only one who heard them negatively. I have committed my life to seeing God’s man through the turmoil, through the fog, to finding Christ in the other person. And I fell flat on my face last night.
I took a walk this morning to talk to God about this troubling event. My first choice would have been a walk in a forest or a field. It was instead down the sidewalk in my neighborhood where they are building a new firehouse and, in fact, the sidewalk is torn up in places.
But you know what? God doesn’t only speak to us in the quiet of the forests and the fields. God speaks to our hearts, even on city sidewalks. I wanted to come to terms with that letter and my reaction to it. And what I heard from God was so comforting, “Just love. You don’t have to judge.”
“Oh! That simple?” I asked.
“Yes, that simple!”
I realized I didn’t have to judge or react. If I stick with my life commitment, I can see past even criticism and negativity to find Christ, and I can be part of the solution instead of escalating the problem.
To my amazement, the other board members (all six of them) didn’t hear it that way. Their generous hearts heard, “Here are some issues that are concerning me: 1,2,3,4.” And they discussed those issues compassionately.
We all heard the same words. I was tremendously embarrassed to have been the only one who heard them negatively. I have committed my life to seeing God’s man through the turmoil, through the fog, to finding Christ in the other person. And I fell flat on my face last night.
I took a walk this morning to talk to God about this troubling event. My first choice would have been a walk in a forest or a field. It was instead down the sidewalk in my neighborhood where they are building a new firehouse and, in fact, the sidewalk is torn up in places.
But you know what? God doesn’t only speak to us in the quiet of the forests and the fields. God speaks to our hearts, even on city sidewalks. I wanted to come to terms with that letter and my reaction to it. And what I heard from God was so comforting, “Just love. You don’t have to judge.”
“Oh! That simple?” I asked.
“Yes, that simple!”
I realized I didn’t have to judge or react. If I stick with my life commitment, I can see past even criticism and negativity to find Christ, and I can be part of the solution instead of escalating the problem.
Jul 8, 2008
Bread
Bread right out of the ovenJoan, my Canadian friend, makes all their own bread. It fits into the morning’s routine. When she needs a break from her home office, she walks down the hall to the kitchen, measures the ingredients into her bread machine and returns 20 minutes later refreshed, to her desk.
By noon, there’s a fresh loaf of wheat bread ready to make into sandwiches.
Joan kindly shared her recipes with me. No wonder the bread is so hearty – sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, flax seeds, seven-grain cereal.
Back in the Midwest after experimenting a couple of times to get it right, I took some warm thick slices to my German friend and neighbor. Hanna was ecstatic. Dabbing some honey on one corner she took a bite and exclaimed, “Now this is bread!”
“Man shall not live by bread alone.” Just about everybody knows those words, if not their source or even what follows – “But by every word that comes from God’s mouth.”
What originates in God as good and true is more vital to us than even Joan’s hearty bread. What Mind, the intelligence of the universe, has to share with us is more sustaining than food.
What the Life of all being reveals about purpose, caring, and relationships nourishes our hearts. And these days, people’s hearts need good nourishment.
We can hear this nurturing when we are quiet, when we turn from the distractions of the day and silence all the chatter inside our heads; when we listen for what’s important, for what’s eternally true, good, beautiful, and lasting.
By noon, there’s a fresh loaf of wheat bread ready to make into sandwiches.
Joan kindly shared her recipes with me. No wonder the bread is so hearty – sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, flax seeds, seven-grain cereal.
Back in the Midwest after experimenting a couple of times to get it right, I took some warm thick slices to my German friend and neighbor. Hanna was ecstatic. Dabbing some honey on one corner she took a bite and exclaimed, “Now this is bread!”
“Man shall not live by bread alone.” Just about everybody knows those words, if not their source or even what follows – “But by every word that comes from God’s mouth.”
What originates in God as good and true is more vital to us than even Joan’s hearty bread. What Mind, the intelligence of the universe, has to share with us is more sustaining than food.
What the Life of all being reveals about purpose, caring, and relationships nourishes our hearts. And these days, people’s hearts need good nourishment.
We can hear this nurturing when we are quiet, when we turn from the distractions of the day and silence all the chatter inside our heads; when we listen for what’s important, for what’s eternally true, good, beautiful, and lasting.
What is God's message of love for you today?
Jun 5, 2008
Listening, not judging
My friend, Kathy, teaches classes for business people to learn to communicate effectively. She has been learning to listen for inspired ideas, to let God as Mind help her prepare for the classes.
In each class there is usually somebody who isn’t happy about having to be there. And she finds it tempting to make a quick judgment about this type of person as a “loud mouth,” a “bully,” or “anti social.”
When this happens, she finds herself spending way too much time fretting about these annoying personalities. Eventually she reminds herself that these classes belong to God. That He/She brings the people who are to be blessed.
The interesting thing is that the difficult people always come around to understand how they can be part of the solution in their companies, instead of being part of the problem.
And my friend has realized that God as Truth hasn’t given her the responsibility of judging His/Her children. She has watched time and again as these men and women begin to take an honest look at how their behavior and language affects others; she has seen softening and a willingness to change replace harshness and anger. She knows she doesn’t cause these changes.
She has come to realize that God as Truth doesn’t burden her with a responsibility to spend her time judging people and then having to worry about them. Her job is to provide an atmosphere that allows people to feel safe among their colleagues. And she has found that she can trust God to reveal the good that is inherently within them.
Assuming responsibilities God hasn’t given us, makes us feel uncomfortable, and then we wonder why. That’s the time to really listen for what the Bible refers to as that “still small voice” of Truth.
I’ve found that God does care, and is very helpful – if we really want to know what to do next and the best way to do it. And – oh yes, this is a big one – if we are willing to completely drop our own preconceptions about how and what we should be doing. Then we are ready to listen.
In each class there is usually somebody who isn’t happy about having to be there. And she finds it tempting to make a quick judgment about this type of person as a “loud mouth,” a “bully,” or “anti social.”
When this happens, she finds herself spending way too much time fretting about these annoying personalities. Eventually she reminds herself that these classes belong to God. That He/She brings the people who are to be blessed.
The interesting thing is that the difficult people always come around to understand how they can be part of the solution in their companies, instead of being part of the problem.
And my friend has realized that God as Truth hasn’t given her the responsibility of judging His/Her children. She has watched time and again as these men and women begin to take an honest look at how their behavior and language affects others; she has seen softening and a willingness to change replace harshness and anger. She knows she doesn’t cause these changes.
She has come to realize that God as Truth doesn’t burden her with a responsibility to spend her time judging people and then having to worry about them. Her job is to provide an atmosphere that allows people to feel safe among their colleagues. And she has found that she can trust God to reveal the good that is inherently within them.
Assuming responsibilities God hasn’t given us, makes us feel uncomfortable, and then we wonder why. That’s the time to really listen for what the Bible refers to as that “still small voice” of Truth.
I’ve found that God does care, and is very helpful – if we really want to know what to do next and the best way to do it. And – oh yes, this is a big one – if we are willing to completely drop our own preconceptions about how and what we should be doing. Then we are ready to listen.
Feb 14, 2008
Noah - everything we need to know
This email has been making the rounds, and if you would enjoy a semi-light-hearted review of life-lessons learned from Noah, this list may be for you.
Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark
One : Don't miss the boat.
Two : Remember that we are all in the same boat.
Three : Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
Four : Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
Five : Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
Six : Build your future on high ground.
Seven : For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
Eight : Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
Nine : When you're stressed, float awhile.
Ten : Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
Eleven : No matter how long the storm, when you are with God there's always a rainbow waiting...
Jan 6, 2008
When the bricks fly
God whispers in your soulThis arrived in an email, and I had to chuckle.
“God whispers in your soul and speaks to your mind. Sometimes when you don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at you.”
Sometimes it does seem like that! I’ve had a few bricks lobbed my way.
Whether we feel we have a close relationship to God, or would like to, or are wondering whether that is possible, or even whether there is a God, sometimes it feels like circumstances smack us.
Whatever that event, it can be a “heads up!” – a kind of forceful invitation to listen through the hubbub of the day to another voice, another message, something more significant going on. A word or two from the Creator Him/Herself. An opportunity to turn discouragement around.
This comfort doesn’t come from the world. The world’s promises are fleeting. The other side of the world’s clamor a certain stillness speaks, a peace and clarity about what’s important in life.
And if we aren’t paying attention to what’s really important, we need to. And we need to want to.
The world’s great thinkers have come to the same conclusion over the centuries. Chirst Jesus, spokesperson for Christianity, says it this way, “Love one another.”
Love isn’t complicated, sophisticated, or accumulated. Love is complete, simple, and active. The love that springs from the Creator of the universe is dependable in a changeless way.
So when the world whacks us with injustice, or hate where we expected acceptance, listen up! Past the tumult there is a message of security, support, and progress. And often a new sense of direction.
“God whispers in your soul and speaks to your mind. Sometimes when you don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at you.”
Sometimes it does seem like that! I’ve had a few bricks lobbed my way.
Whether we feel we have a close relationship to God, or would like to, or are wondering whether that is possible, or even whether there is a God, sometimes it feels like circumstances smack us.
Whatever that event, it can be a “heads up!” – a kind of forceful invitation to listen through the hubbub of the day to another voice, another message, something more significant going on. A word or two from the Creator Him/Herself. An opportunity to turn discouragement around.
This comfort doesn’t come from the world. The world’s promises are fleeting. The other side of the world’s clamor a certain stillness speaks, a peace and clarity about what’s important in life.
And if we aren’t paying attention to what’s really important, we need to. And we need to want to.
The world’s great thinkers have come to the same conclusion over the centuries. Chirst Jesus, spokesperson for Christianity, says it this way, “Love one another.”
Love isn’t complicated, sophisticated, or accumulated. Love is complete, simple, and active. The love that springs from the Creator of the universe is dependable in a changeless way.
So when the world whacks us with injustice, or hate where we expected acceptance, listen up! Past the tumult there is a message of security, support, and progress. And often a new sense of direction.
The message that God loves us is what is worth listening to and pursuing. This hope can take us safely through injustice and hate. This promise brings us to the place of knowing good is supreme no matter what.
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